Where are you?
In a non slutty way
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
