His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize