The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Non-Jews are for practice
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
