is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i think my cat just said my name.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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