At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
