Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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