So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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