yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
