I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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