Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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