I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I need moral support for this bender
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
