im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
