I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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