He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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