And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
this is an emotional support booty call
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
