Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
