OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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