I CAN MOONWALK!
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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