My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
