Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
