True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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