your parents love me but you hate me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
