I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
