please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
