This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize