There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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