I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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