The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
