I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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