just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
