he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
