i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
