oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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