oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
