the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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