I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
