I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
