I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I want her autograph on my taint
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
