You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
