you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Alive.
So much puke
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
