Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize