I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
