My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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