Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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