she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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