She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize