we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
