My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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