I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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