Jerry, you need to find god
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
