Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
