This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
do herpes really smell.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
