I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize