singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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