She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize