five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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