we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
