i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I woke up under a house in Key West
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