he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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