am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it was like eating out sand paper
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize