i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize