Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
