were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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