ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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