he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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